If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
