what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
