Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
