a queef is a wish your heart makes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
