YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize