when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
