And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
