Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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