He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
