just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
