so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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