I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
