I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
