thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
