If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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