is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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