I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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