In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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