I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I lost the right to judge tonight
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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