Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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