last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
