she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
