Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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