So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
