he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
