She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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