I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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