he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
