Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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