Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
