shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
