She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
