So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love you.
Bad choice
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