There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
