I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
