Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
honey bunches of taint.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
