My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's blow job season.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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