I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
