I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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