How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
