I cockslap morals
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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