he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Someone signed my nipple.
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