it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize