so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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