: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
