dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
