It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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