it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
