"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
