I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I want a musical about memes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
