Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize