He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize