Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
