How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
