You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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