the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
