problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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