did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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