I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
