clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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