That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
