his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
