I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
