YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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