So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
